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Author Topic: Relationship help please  (Read 1313 times)
TEDDYBEAR
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« on: June 21, 2016, 06:06:04 PM »

Hello all.

I'm at my lowest at the moment my heart is breaking and don't know what to do or think so any advice would be much appreciated.

I've been in a relationship where we live together and up until not long ago, It came to the stage that everything has just got on top of him  with our money problems through my fault of not working or finding a job earning enough to pay bills etc that he sort of ended it.He said he can't be in a relationship right now but we can see how things go by living separately, sorting selves out and go from there.

I don't know what to think of this, help.

We were so in love with each other, got on like a house on fire., have known each other since we were at School, now in our 40's Im still in love with him and want him back now.

He has also said that he loves me but not in love with me.What does this mean.

I've asked him if he going to be faithful throughout this and he said yes he don't want be with anyone just wants to sort self out.

We still live together as I got nowhere else to go and he not found anywhere else yet and it's killing me having to sleep in same bed as we are in a shared house in a room, so it's not as if we can sleep in separate rooms.

We are in a position where at the moment where I can't stay anywhere else and where he is paying the rent, the next lot ends in about 3 weeks so I'm trying to find job to cover the rent plus food etc.

What does he mean by not want be in relationship now but see how things go?Huh?

Loves me but not in love with me?HuhHuh

We have fallen out before for about a week and I got job and he said his feelings came back to when we first met so I'm hoping that this will happen again and fall in love with me again once sorted.

The waiting is hurting so much
 
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rosie doll
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« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2016, 09:23:23 PM »

Aw you poor thing. I am the wrong person to give advice as my past with relationships has been pretty rubbish. Which is why I am rather happy being single !

But it must be awful having to be in that situation.

I don't understand either about the not being in a relationship now but let's see in the future. Surely he wants you or he doesn't !?

I really hope you work it out .
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MiniMe
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« Reply #2 on: June 22, 2016, 10:18:06 AM »

Aww. I feel for you. I just call it men being men. Fickle at that.
Do you think he has lost respect for you because you can't get a job and can't contribute. I've known men to fall out of love because the other half gained/lost too much weight, wasn't earning enough/was earning too much... and so on. 
Relationships are give and take, maybe he just feels you are taking, not being able to help pay bills etc. and he doesn't think that is fair?  Huh I think he does still love you but he might think you have to prove yourself to him and not being able to pay your share seems to be the problem, therefore he is not currently in love with you, but maybe you proving to him that you can pay your way will make him be in love with you? Sorry, hope you get what I mean, it's hard to write it.
Whoever said Love doesn't hurt is a liar. Love does hurt. Try talking to him and seeing where he is coming from and why. People do change though. Sometimes when you have been with someone 'forever' you realise that you have changed and no longer want what the other wants, or likes what the other likes, and simply grow apart. Try to find out his reasons and why he doesn't want to be in a relationship for now. Sometimes taking time out to think can help so do give him some space. Maybe also suggest a day out somewhere you can both relax, where you can talk away from stresses of life.
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tigger
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« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2016, 11:41:38 AM »

I can't really offer any advice but it's a tough situation to be in. Is it possible for you to stay with a friend for a while. I hope it all gets sorted soon.
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TEDDYBEAR
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« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2016, 10:49:00 PM »

Thank you all for your care.

Minime.

You hit the nail right on the head.

He is not in love with me because of how its become with money problems.

I have paid bill etc from temp jobs but this was obviously not enough.

Ive been going out my mind, felt like was having a nervous breakdown the other day.My body is shaking nearly all day, cant stop crying.

He found a place last night to live sort of down the road which hes moving to in about a week.

I asked him where we stand and he still dont want be in a relationship, both got sort selves out and see from there.

I asked why is he hanging on when hes being so blunt towards me , is it because you still love me and he said yes.

When I asked him the other day if he still loves me and when I asked him why he dont he say it to me and his reply was, you only say that to someone you are in love with HuhHuh

He acting so blunt, horrible, towards me and Im trying to communicate with him and he saying that he dealing with it differently.

He says it all depends on me but he not confident about it eg me getting stable job.

My head is in such a state that I keep thinking that it is officially over when its sort of not yet.

Is he acting the way he is because deep down inside he does really want to be with me and because Ive hurt him so much?

HuhHuh



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rosie doll
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« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2016, 01:20:47 AM »

How have you hurt him ?

If he is no longer in love with you , can you rebuild the relationship ?

And if your job was to become unstable in the future , will he fall out of love with you again ?

I am afraid I am the queen of "trust issues "

If he loved you he would not be so horrible towards you. He would be helping you.

It is a horrible thing to go thru. Be strong !
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MiniMe
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« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2016, 05:22:48 AM »

TEDDYBEAR, I know you are still in love with him and you don't see your future without him but please think of how he is currently, and has, treated you in the past. If he has done it before, and is doing it now, he will do it again. For your sake think about what this is doing to you. Let him go for now, and take time out yourself. Treat yourself to something nice/go somewhere nice/do something you have always wanted to (it doesn't have to cost money, even just a day wandering around Covent Garden in London used to revitalise me).
Please give yourself 1 week, then 2 weeks and think how strong you are, even without him. I know this is very very hard to imagine right now, but think of it as a connection with him, that you are joined by threads, and gradually imagine cutting away one at a time and freeing yourself from the pain and emotional hurt he is causing you.
People are funny, and you can never figure out exactly what they mean or want as they often don't know themselves. I think he needs space right now, and doesn't want to tell you exactly what he is thinking as he probably doesn't want you hurting more than you are. But please, for your sake, take time out and think about yourself. Look after you first. He is looking after him, you do the same to you. Go enjoy your life. A guy told me once that he didn't believe there was only one soulmate out there for each individual. There are more fish in the ocean and I bet you will find someone who will care a lot about you, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health...  xx
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JackieB
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« Reply #7 on: June 25, 2016, 08:41:16 AM »

Sorry to hear that your having a hard time.

Would you be able to get a live in nanny job, then you would be able to save some money.
Give yourself time, hope things work out for you x
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mm
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« Reply #8 on: June 25, 2016, 02:17:08 PM »

however bad this will sound I can quite understand what he is saying. Maybe your money issues (although love should not be based on the ability to earn) have put undue strain on your relationship. Maybe he sees that you have kind of given up. Maybe he thinks that standing on your own feet will do you a whole world of good.

What do you mean he is treating you badly? Is it the fact that he doesn't want a relationship? He is not leaving because he doesn't love you and wants to be with someone else. I think he is probably just a bit depressed and wants to sort himself out. Nothing selfish about that. I think the whole houseshare situation does not help. I have just turned 40 and live in a houseshare. The cost of properties (buying or renting) has became almost un -affordable in London and despite liking the people I live with I still feel it as a massive stressor. And the fact that the rental prices are still going up but the wages are stagnating is not helping. Try to find a job, maybe go with Jackie's advice about a live-in. Organise your finances. Make time for yourself - the great thing about London is that there is always something going on and a lot of things are completely free of charge. get new hobbies, walk in the park, shift the focus and try to be single for a bit. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me things will eventually get better.

Good luck.
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rosie doll
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« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2016, 09:45:47 AM »

Hey teddy bear, how are you Huh

(You can p.m me if you want but we probably are all thinking of you !)
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